yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
