When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
