Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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