remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
