booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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