who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
