I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
