walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
this hospital has no fireball
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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