It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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