I got chris browned last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
