Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
