you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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