All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I understand Curling. That high.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
