he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
