I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Randomize
