Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
