My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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