Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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