The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
