Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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