You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
