um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
