Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
