Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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