Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
