Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
