Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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