Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
