That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
