Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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