I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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