my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
