i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
