i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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