I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
