After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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