Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dignity is for republicans.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
