Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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