The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
