We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
