We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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