So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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