Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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