I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you had me at cake vodka
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
