Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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