The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So drunk its hurt
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
