my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
