I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
