just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
