I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
