I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
