Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
