Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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