Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
