tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
