Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
