you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
