Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
