You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
