I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We smell like vodka and hangover
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