allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
