I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
