I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
as a side note pls kill me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
