yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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