i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
