he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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