I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
