Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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