woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
