Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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