It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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