worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
