She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize