I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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