Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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