Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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