I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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